i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
