You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
