I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
