i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
