I wannas sexs uuuuu
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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