I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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