did you get engaged???
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize