He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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