my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
