TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
