Got a toothbrush?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
whose parrot is this?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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