benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
