There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just threw up on my dentist
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
