apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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