I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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