I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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