I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
