Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
