He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
