never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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