No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
