I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
