TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is Oprah even human
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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