shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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