Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
