he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize