You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
