He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
