Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
