Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just tell him i said nine months
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am available for nakedness
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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