Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
