there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
