Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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