the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
