I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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