make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
