He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize