yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
