she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
