Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
