Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
