Christians are straight up FREAKS
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
