we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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