Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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