At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
