Just cropdusted the office
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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