So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
