Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
