The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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