my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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