David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize