I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
