That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
