Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We don't watch enough power rangers
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize