so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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