Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
