she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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