I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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