apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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