i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
