Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
