I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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