My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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