There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
