He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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