dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
