He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
