apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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