And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
