The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize