tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize